You and Me by Rod Smith is an inspiring article about intimacy that I read in the Sunday Times months ago. I really wanted to share his inspirational words with you.

You and Me by Rod Smith

Lay aside the commonly held connection of intimacy and sexual behaviour. See it as an essential platform for a meaningful relationship. Intimacy occurs when I let you into my head, heart and reality without fearing that you will disapprove of what you see. I let you in and my hope is that you will love and accept me. I don’t want you to rummage around, judge my thoughts or be startled. I don’t want you to rearrange the furniture or paint the walls.

We discover intimacy when you enter my world and behave as a valued, respectful guest. You are a guest, not a consultant, interior decorator or demolition expert. I want you to know me so you can treasure me, understand me and enjoy me – so don’t try to change or fix me.

Authentic intimacy (there is no other kind) is not easy. You have to know yourself really well, possess a high degree of self-acceptance and self-love. In the event that you do not love and accept yourself, the moment you enter my world the experience will be so unsettling for you that you will either take an emotional hike or you will feel like you have to be a missionary or nurse and fix whatever I show you.

• Rod Smith is a family therapist who lives in the US. Email rod@difficultrelationships.com

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