HUMOUR: Dear *blank*

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch!
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realise that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that!
Sincerely, Logic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada

Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous

Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google

Dear Voldemort,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely, BP

Dear Justin Bieber,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely, 1985

Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely, Jack

Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
Sincerely, Shakespeare

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear Soccer Fans,
B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!
Sincerely, Vuvuzelas

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God

Dear Rubik's Cube,
Done!
Sincerely, Colorblind

Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can't. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed

Dear Sleeping Beauty,
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man. All you had to do was wake up.
Sincerely, Mulan

Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast

Dear Edward,
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
Sincerely, a stake

Dear Prince Charming,
You've got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty

** More Happy Friday Humour **

HUMOUR: Funny, true truisms (or, free Facebook statuses!)

1. Bad decisions make good stories.

2. Was learning cursive really necessary?

3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

4. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

7. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

8. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

9. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

10. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

11. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

12. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

13. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

14. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far...

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

15. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

16. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

17. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

19. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

20. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

Happy Friday! :D

** More Happy Friday Humour **

HUMOUR: If Facebook had existed before the dawn of time ...

A real Facebook gem brought to you by Cool Material !

Check out the Cool Material Facebook page.

** More Happy Friday Humour **

HUMOUR: Funny Facebook statuses courtesy of funny man Steve

IN this day and age of utter crap and the tons of rubbish people spew out about South Africans, we do have a great sense of humour. Apart from the British, we have the keen ability to laugh at ourselves and exercise some good, charming wit in any given situation.

I’m not too afraid that I have done what every blogger who has a lazy lapse has done. Below is a collection of humorous and memorable South African Facebook statuses I’ve come across over the past two weeks to illustrate my point that South Africans are pretty, funny people.

Go ahead and claim whichever one’s you like as your own! I won’t file a plagiarism case. Sharing is caring – that’s how I role. (Note: all names below have cleverly been changed to “Steve” to save face).

• Steve is so hip he could be used in old people.
• Steve wonders... what is the speed of dark?
• Steve is a vegetarian, not because he loves animals but because he hates plants!
• Steve is single... quick! Now’s your chance!
• Steve is wondering why blind people like walking the dog so much?
• Steve is writing a paper called Sex and Pregnancy: A Possible Connection
• Steve wants to thank everyone for the nice birthday wishes. The not so nice ones were good too.
• Steve thinks the force is like duct tape... it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
• Steve is currently nursing a fantastic hangover.

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes" - Steve

• Steve is gleaming the cube - awww yeeaah!
• Steve writes: "Dear Lunch: Sorry we didn't meet up today. I was looking forward to it. Maybe we can double up tomorrow?"
• Steve is same shit different decade.
• Steve is wondering who general failure is and why is he trying to read my hard disk?
• Steve is known for his motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when he’s around!
• Steve is wondering what will happen if he touches the red wire with the green wir#*&G!

As you can see 'Steve' is a pretty funny guy. He often ‘scores’ at parties and is always the life of the braai. He is also proudly South African, which I think has a lot to do with him having such a great sense of humour. Anyone got any other great one’s to add? Please do!

Best Happy Friday post yet: If historic people had Facebook :D

More SA humour:
Men vs. Women (pure poetry)
Another blog post with funny facebook statuses

** More Happy Friday Humour **