ANCESTORS: My calling to become a white sangoma

MANY moons ago was my old man's 60th birthday bash. We had set up a large screen to display the opening game of the Soccer World Cup - Bafana Bafana vs. Mexico. The game was intense but the party was terrific!

I had wondered off around the side of the house where we have a large swimming pool sitting in icy silence. All that could be heard was the festive sounds of laughter, bonfires and friendly chit chat. I somehow managed to fall into the frozen waters of our swimming pool with a silent splash. I was drowning in the pool's icy clutches and honestly thought I was going to die.

I inhaled a few liters of chlorinated water before I lost the last of my breathe to what was to become my watery grave; but just then, a huge hand lifted me out of the water and I found myself sitting safely on a cloud ... talking to God.

God told me that it was not my time to die and that I still had much to do with my life on Earth. He explained that there were people I would meet along my journey who needed my help. God further explained I still had much to offer in the way of helping others on Earth.

I was placed back on the soil with an incredible gift. God had blessed me with perfect health and clarity of mind. I could never get sick or mentality side-tracked. This was to aid my purpose of helping my fellow human beings.

This was the dream I had about a week after my dad's party. After recounting the dream to my fluent Zulu-speaking girlfriend, she told me that this is a very common theme in Zulu culture - a dream interpreted as a calling from the ancestors for me to become a sangoma!

I have always had an interest in dream analysis but never thought that my dreams would cross cultures. I have no immediate plans to become a sangoma anytime soon, but I certainly found this God dream quite interesting.

Anyone ever had a similar dream?

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HUMOUR: Once upon a time in Italy ...

SEVERAL centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal.

He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise, learned rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy!

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.

The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He then pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue."

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.

"I haven't a clue!" said the rabbi. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.
Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here."
"And then what?" asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said the rabbi. "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."

Best Happy Friday post yet: If historic people had Facebook :D

** More Happy Friday Humour **

BIBLE HUMOUR: If Noah had lived in South Africa in 2009

IN the year 2009, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in South Africa, and said, "Once again, the Earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the plans, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark in sight.

"Noah!" He roared , "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Metro Council for a decision.

Then Eskom demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees because the Nature Conservation authorities say it will upset the balance of the local ecological system. I tried to convince them that I needed the wood to save us all from extinction - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, the SPCA prosecuted me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

The traffic authorities said it would take six months after completion of the ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea would be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed.

Then the Department for Environment ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until I had arranged and conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the BEE group on how many Affirmative Action persons I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The Department of The Interior has insisted that I provide them with a list of the people who want to work so that they can check that they are not from the non designated group.

Cosatu say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, SARS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark!"

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The SA Government has beaten me to it."

Happy Friday! :D

Best Happy Friday post yet: If historic people had Facebook

** More Happy Friday Humour **