ENGLISH LANGUAGE: Asylum for the verbally insane

Unfortunately the author of this clever poem on the English language is currently unknown. Nonetheless, here's a quick look at the lunacy of the English language.

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guineapig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writer's write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham. Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English, should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. We have noses that run and feet that smell. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on. So if Father is Pop, how come Mother isn't Mop? And that is just the beginning - even though this is the end.

** More Quite Interesting Histories **

Music Therapy: Tune in and chill out - research & findings

MUSIC is a truly magical thing. It has the power to play on our moods, fine tune our brainwaves, pluck at our heartstrings, and unite entire nations under song. It has even proven to have a positive effect on livestock.

Last year a ten year old farm boy from Georgia won first place in a regional science fair for a project on how music improved milk production in cows. Daniel McElmurray tested the effects of classical, country and rock music on his father’s 300 cows. The experiment showed that their livestock preferred classical music over country and rock by producing 450 kilograms more milk.

Music possesses the power to reach parts of the brain that are not yet accessible to us, at least not on a conscious level. It almost makes one understand why so many artists and creatives turn to recreational drug use for inspiration.

We all know the effects that music can have on reducing stress and promoting relaxation, but music itself is becoming increasingly popular in the modern medical industry — a concept being dubbed as “music therapy”.

Music therapy studies and research

Research has shown that music has a profound effect on our bodies and psyche. Those who practice music therapy are finding it beneficial in helping cancer patients, children with ADD, helping ward off depression, promoting movement, calming patients, easing muscle tension and helping with pain management.

Many experts suggest that it is the rhythm of the music or the beat that has the calming effect on us, although we may not be fully conscious of it. One theory, found at www.holisticonline.com, suggests that we were likely influenced by the heartbeats of our mothers while still in the womb. The idea is that we respond to soothing music at later stages in our life — perhaps associating it with the safe, relaxing and protective environment we once lived in.

Several studies have found that selections of Celtic, Native American as well as various music containing loud drums or flutes are extremely soothing. More interestingly, any music listened to live, even at moderately loud volumes, seems to have the most beneficial response. Equally beneficial is the effect of playing or creating music oneself.

“The entire human energetic system is extremely influenced by sounds. The physical body and chakra centres respond specifically to certain tones and frequencies. Whenever the proper sounds were experienced, an amazing right/left brain hemisphere synchronization occurs” — www.holisticonline.com

Music therapy findings

Even if you are not a believer in holistic medicine and chakra centers, music therapy has yielded several measurable results in recent years, such as:

• An increase in deep breathing when hearing a particular tune
• The body’s production of the happy hormone serotonin accelerates
• Music has been found to reduce pain during dental procedures
• Playing gentle background music while working or studying has been found to reduce stress and improve concentration
• Music therapy can help counteract or prevent the damaging effects of chronic stress
• It has even been shown to lower blood pressure, boost immunity and ease muscle tension
• Music can also be used to bring a more positive state of mind, helping to keep depression and anxiety at bay
• It can help keep creativity and boost optimism levels higher
• Certain music has been found to reduce heart rates and increase body temperature — an indication that the body is entering a state of relaxation
• Memorable music from our youth appears to be a very good choice.

According to stress.about.com, “the change in brainwave activity levels that music can bring can also enable the brain to shift speeds more easily on its own as needed, which means that music can bring lasting benefits to your state of mind, even after you’ve stopped listening.”

I can’t live a day without listening to my own brand of tunes. If you are feeling stressed out, uninspired or down in the dumps lately, don’t pop a pill; why not rather put on your favourite golden oldie.

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PUMPKIN CARVINGS: Halloween’s contribution to art

AS the month of the pumpkin draws near once again you might like to know who went all out last Halloween. It’s hard to decide whether some of these pumpkin carvings are real or not, but I’ll let you be the judge.

Does anyone know why the pumpkin is the vegetable of choice for that matter? They sure get great press over Halloween. Has anyone had any pumpkin carving experience? Is it something that anyone with opposable thumbs can do?

Anyway, check out these arty carvings!

Halloween pumpkin carvings

Happy Halloween!

Quite Interesting: The History and Origin of Halloween

** More Quite Arty Posts **

DRUGS: Why our great grandparents were happier than we

HAVE you ever heard of the Great Binge? This was a period prior to WW I where drugs were in huge supply. Not only that, but they were completely legal. Soldiers could order a drug pack for their boys on the front, which contained heroine, cocaine, needles and just about any drug that is now considered as naughty.

Below are some genuine products that were available around the same period. Cocaine tablets, Opium for asthma and Bayer's Heroin were all too common, which possibly explains why it was called "the good old days".

Great Binge Drugs: Bayer's Heroin

A bottle of Bayer's heroin. Between 1890 and 1910 heroin was sold as a non-addictive substitute for morphine. It was also used to treat children with a strong cough.

Back when heroin was legal, there were no addiction treatment centers that could help a heroin addict kick the habit.

Coca Wine, anyone?

Metcalf Coca Wine was one of a huge variety of wines with cocaine on the market. Everybody used to say that it would make you happy and it would also work as a medicinal treatment.

Great Binge Drugs: Mariani wine

Mariani wine (1875) was the most famous Coca wine of it's time. Pope Leo XIII used to carry one bottle with him all the time. He awarded Angelo Mariani (the producer) with a Vatican gold medal.

Great Binge Drugs: Maltine

Produced by Maltine Manufacturing Company of New York. It was suggested that you should take a full glass with or after every meal... Children should take half a glass.

A questionable paper weight

A paper weight promoting C.F. Boehringer & Soehne ( Mannheim , Germany ). They were proud of being the biggest producers in the world of products containing Quinine and Cocaine.

Great Binge Drugs: Opium for Asthma

No comment.

Great Binge Drugs: Cocaine tablets (1900)

All stage actors, singers, teachers, and preachers had to have them for a maximum performance. Great to "smooth" the voice.

Great Binge Drugs: Cocaine drops for toothache

Very popular for children in 1885. Not only did they relieve the pain, they made children happy!

Great Binge Drugs: Opium for new-borns

I'm sure this would make them sleep well (not only Opium, but 46% alcohol). No wonder they were called The Good Old Days!

** More Quite Interesting Histories **

ANCESTORS: My calling to become a white sangoma

MANY moons ago was my old man's 60th birthday bash. We had set up a large screen to display the opening game of the Soccer World Cup - Bafana Bafana vs. Mexico. The game was intense but the party was terrific!

I had wondered off around the side of the house where we have a large swimming pool sitting in icy silence. All that could be heard was the festive sounds of laughter, bonfires and friendly chit chat. I somehow managed to fall into the frozen waters of our swimming pool with a silent splash. I was drowning in the pool's icy clutches and honestly thought I was going to die.

I inhaled a few liters of chlorinated water before I lost the last of my breathe to what was to become my watery grave; but just then, a huge hand lifted me out of the water and I found myself sitting safely on a cloud ... talking to God.

God told me that it was not my time to die and that I still had much to do with my life on Earth. He explained that there were people I would meet along my journey who needed my help. God further explained I still had much to offer in the way of helping others on Earth.

I was placed back on the soil with an incredible gift. God had blessed me with perfect health and clarity of mind. I could never get sick or mentality side-tracked. This was to aid my purpose of helping my fellow human beings.

This was the dream I had about a week after my dad's party. After recounting the dream to my fluent Zulu-speaking girlfriend, she told me that this is a very common theme in Zulu culture - a dream interpreted as a calling from the ancestors for me to become a sangoma!

I have always had an interest in dream analysis but never thought that my dreams would cross cultures. I have no immediate plans to become a sangoma anytime soon, but I certainly found this God dream quite interesting.

Anyone ever had a similar dream?

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